


Seeking

by south_lights



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco has a lot on his mind, Draco is Sad, Draco needs real friends, Luna does too but its less angsty, Luna is kind, Multi, Their friends okay its not romantic, anxious and depressed character, but also a badass, they drink tea on pillows aw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-14 23:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20608826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/south_lights/pseuds/south_lights
Summary: Set at the beginning of their sixth year or beginning of book/movie Half Blood Prince. Draco is stressed and anxious and lonely, Luna is kind, articulate, and at least willing to listen. They run into each other in the place you least expect it (or most expect it?)





	Seeking

**Author's Note:**

> I've been attempting to put this together for a while and have made a somewhat first chapter. I hope to keep writing this slowly as creativity takes me. Thanks for reading:)

The tiny water droplet slowly trickled down the cold stone wall; Dracoʼs eyes focused on it, as if he expected it to suddenly disappear. Instead, it slowly inched out of sight, and he turned away, readjusting his pillow with a sigh. Though he was exhausted, his tired eyes could not close, not even to the dull sight of condensation that layered the inner walls of the castle. Despite the dampness of sweat that covered him, he desired warmth. 

A warmth more great than what his blanket could give. He craved a warmth heʼd never known, a light to encompass him and release him from the unrelenting fear, anger, and sadness that engulfed his spirit in darkness. He thought briefly that maybe that was the defining characteristic of dark magic; not just the essence of evil intentions, no. This feeling is much worse he thought. There is nothing about dark magic rewarding enough to compensate this feeling. Tears stung his eyes and threatened to spill over his face. He stifled a sob into his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut. His desperation was becoming too much for him to handle. 

As the tears spilled out he thought of what Crabbe and Goyle would think if they saw him in this state. Shocked he thought. They’d be confused, angry, and disappointed in his weakness. He knew intellectually that these emotions did not equate to weakness, but he could not help but feel ashamed of himself. He didn’t want to even imagine what his Father would say if he saw him this distraught, having such a hard time submitting to Voldemort’s power.

Draco was reminded of the image he must uphold; arrogant, instigative, evil. The realization hit him in this moment that this was not who he wanted to be, not who he was meant to be. He wanted to be vulnerable, to be able to laugh, talk, cry, be alone with himself, without the constant pressure from his Father, and now from Voldemort himself. His stomach turned at the thought of what Voldemort would say if he saw Draco crying, crumbling under the pressures of evil. 

In a snap decision he was out of bed, slipping on shoes and placing his wand in his pocket. Draco needed air and some place else to sit and wallow. With a deep breath, he tiptoed lightly out of his dormitory and into the Slytherin common room. He didnʼt stop there, but continued as quietly as he could to the cold halls of the school. He breathed out a sigh and only for a moment did he second guess himself. Anxiety turned over and over in his stomach as he walked, toward nothing, with no intentions. 

Resisting the urge to vomit, Draco could feel the panic attack coming on as he quickened his pace. As he turned another corner he closed his eyes again to try and stop the tears from coming. I just canʼt do this anymore. This is too much. His legs began to give out beneath him and he slumped down against the wall. Burying his face in his arms he finally cried with all he could, not caring anymore whether anyone would hear him. He thought for a split second that it may not be the worst thing in the world if Snape or Filch found him and just ended his misery. He froze suddenly in fear as he heard a sound. A quiet, low quaking, as if the castle itself was shifting. Terrified to look up he stayed still for a few more seconds, until the noise became so near that he could no longer pretend it wasnʼt happening. He slowly lifted his head from his arms and saw the wall directly across from him forming the shape of a door. 

Soon large black doors stood in front of him, as if placed there for him in this moment. He found his legs beneath him and he looked around to make sure no one was peering around a corner watching him. With no one in sight, he approached the door and reached an arm out. With grace and quietness the door shifted open at his touch and he slid through the space. 

Once inside, relief washed over his body. There was a sense of lightness in the room that he couldn’t really describe with words. His relief was momentarily dissipated when he heard a soft “Hello.”

Frozen in place, Draco was not expecting to run into anyone in this place, and was definitely not prepared for any sort of cheerful smalltalk. He starred in the direction the voice came from and was shocked at who he saw. Draco knew her name and exactly who she was, though in front of anyone else he would’ve pretended that he didn’t. 

“Luna” He said “I, uhm, didn’t realize anyone was in here, I’ll just go.” He turned to leave, the familiar feeling of annoyance settling deep within his bones.

“No, you should stay” Luna blurted out. “I mean, if you want to. This is the Room of Requirement you know, we’re probably both here for some reason.” Her airy voice filled the room. 

Avoiding her eyes, he finally let himself take in the room in front of him. It was smaller than he expected it to be, with stone floors and pillars supporting the ceiling. At the far end of the room there was a large stone fireplace with flames crackling toward the chimney. A rug covered most of the floor between him and the fireplace. Then there was Luna Lovegood, standing in front of the fire, a blanket wrapped around her and a mug clasped in her hands. 

Draco pondered what she said for a moment. He had figured this place was the Room of Requirement, his Mother had told him about it when he was younger, but he had never actually seen it. 

Ignoring her invitation to stay, he asked “How did you get in here then?” His emphasis on the word “you” a little harsher than he meant.

Draco could tell she knew how uncomfortable he was and instead of answering his question she sat down on one of the pillows and faced the fire.

“Aren’t you going to come sit?” She asked over her shoulder. 

Without a word or a thought, Draco’s feet were moving and in a few strides he was at her side and then sitting on a pillow next to her. He stared at the flames, deciding that the reason he stayed was to get warm by the fire, definitely not to be with Luna. He crossed his legs in front of him awkwardly, unable to make himself relax. She drained her mug of tea before speaking. 

“I was sleepwalking I guess, I do that sometimes you know. I was having an awful nightmare, and must’ve woke myself up. I was in front of the door. I have found this place before in a times of discomfort so I wasn’t surprised, really.” Her gaze drifted to his face and he turned away from her.

“Well?” She asked, “Aren’t you going to tell my how you’re here now?” She threw his “You” emphasis right back at him and her boldness made Draco’s heart pound and fingers twitch. He wanted more than anything to scream all his feelings to anyone who would listen, and right now, unfortunately, that was Luna. He felt that maybe if someone else knew about his burden would somehow become easier to carry. 

“If I tell you how I got here you will never tell anyone?” It was more of a stern demand than a question. Draco cringed at the anger in his voice. He wasn’t angry with her, she had been nothing but polite to him. He was fairly certain over the last few years anger and bitterness were firmly cemented behind his every word. He closed his eyes for a brief moment trying to force the muscles in his face to relax, and had to open them quickly when he felt the room spinning around him.

Luna didn’t respond to him with words, instead drawing her wand and summoning her patronus, she guided the beautiful silver hare through the air around them. Draco was startled for a moment, and then mesmerized. He sometimes forgot how magnificent magic was, how elaborately it could take shape and ease all the tension, absorb all the sadness the room. He realized then the drastic difference in his perception of magic was to people like Luna. He knew magic to be destructive, harmful, and weaponized or used as threats or punishments. He often forgot how beautiful it could be. Awe was a fleeting feeling, quickly shifting into envy behind Draco’s eyes. In the previous year at Hogwarts he had lead the Inquisitorial Squad to derail Dumbledore’s Army, and had not yet learned how to produce a patronus. 

Their heads moved in unison, darting back and forth, following the hare as it dashed upwards toward the ceiling and disappeared. Luna put her wand away with a sigh, and turned her gaze to Draco. Meeting her eyes, Draco decided that he could trust her. Even if she went to Harry or Hermione the next day and told them everything he said, he didn’t care, in this moment he needed her and he needed her to know. The presence of mind Luna offered in this moment was an opportunity he could not turn away from, even if his life depended on it. Like an open hand outstretched as he fell from the cliff, he firmly latched himself on to Luna, hoping she would haul him back up to safety, but expecting only to be suspended in her gentle grasp for a moment before being plunged downwards once again. 

He wasn’t even sure where to begin, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. It seemed Luna’s patronus had served as an unspoken bond of trust between them, and Draco hoped she felt the same. Before he spoke, she pushed her teacup towards him and with her wand, refilled the cup. He was grateful for something to do with his hands, and clasping the steaming cup he took a sip. They both watched the steam swirl and rise for a few moments.

“Thanks.” he said, turning his head and avoiding her gaze. It was stressing him out beyond belief how quiet and still they had been, when his thoughts were anything but. 

“I’ve never heard you go so long without insulting anyone.” Luna smiled and leaned back on her hands. Draco smiled too still looking into the fire and he almost cried again from sheer longing. He felt like he hadn’t smiled in years, even if it was at his own expense. Her words still shot a pang through his heart and he had to blink away the tears before they threatened to overwhelm him again. He hadn’t realized how much of his turmoil he exuded on to those around him, and he suddenly felt shy, guilty, and scared to add another person to the list of ones he had hurt.

“I don’t really like talking very much.” he started, finally turning towards her. 

“I do, it’s easy to keep track of your thoughts when you let most of them escape your head.” Draco stared at her. He was amazed by how upfront she was and envious how easy she made everything seem.

“But, then again, none of my thoughts are about being a Deatheater, or betraying innocent people, so I’m not scared to tell anyone anything.” She stared back at him and Draco suddenly felt defensive.

“I don’t want to do any of those things. Do you think I have a choice?” He wanted to get up and leave, but he was still firmly in her grasp, at least that’s what he told himself. He was not ready to admit that it was she, Luna Lovegood, or the idea of her, held in his.

“Everyone always has a choice, Draco.” When she said his name he felt like someone had ripped his heart out and pushed it too far into his chest at the same time.

“I don’t have any control over my choices, and if I did they wouldn’t matter anyway.”   
Luna was quiet for a long time. So quiet Draco was beginning to think she was never really there at all. He gulped down the rest of the tea and trying not to vomit, placed the cup between them. It was a few seconds later that Luna spoke.

“What do you suppose pulls the carriages? You know, when we arrive at school.”

“What?” Nothing does, obviously.” He was surprised by the question and the curious expression she wore. “Why?” What does that have to do with anything? He thought.

“I, um, have just always wondered that’s all. Thought maybe you would know, I’ve never asked a Slytherin.” She sighed and shifted so she was lying down, her arms tucked behind her head.

“I think you’re lucky Draco. Luckier than most anyway.”

“How’s that?” he asked, genuinely curious how anyone could think he was lucky.

“Maybe I’ll tell you once you tell me why you're here tonight. Why did the room appear for you?” 

Fine. He thought, Have it your way then.   
Draco repositioned himself so he too was lying down, thankful he had a minute to look at the ceiling instead of her. 

“Are you going to tell me then?” she asked again.

“I will if you ever let me get a word in.” He said quietly. She laughed, and he turned towards her and was laughing too. He wished for magic that could stop time because he never wanted it to end, he wasn’t thinking of his Father, or Voldemort, or his loneliness. He was laughing, and at something he said with someone other than Crabbe and Goyle.   
When their laughter died down and it was quiet again he finally felt the courage.

“Okay.” He said, “I’ll tell you.”


End file.
